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He blinked, slowly, like waking from a long, impossible dream. His breath trembled in his chest, shallow and stunned, but no longer drowning him. Her words curled around the wounded edges of his heart, soft and clear.

You're worth it.

How long had it been since he let himself believe that?

And yet... he didn't flinch. Not this time.

He looked at her, and his eyes were still glassy, rimmed red from the storm she had helped him survive. His glasses remained just the slightest bit askew on his nose- slightly fogged up as he reached up and plucked them off his eyes, hooking them onto his collar.

Through the lingering dampness, a small, unguarded smile began to form. Grateful. Gentle. The kind of smile that trembles with how hard it is to find its place against the unfair reality.

It was the kind of smile he offered students or strangers in sterile white rooms. Messy and subtle as it was, it was raw.

He was still reeling from how natural her touch had felt. From how her thumb had so carefully brushed a tear from his cheek, like she’d done it a hundred times in another life.

She shouldn't understand any of this, he thought.
She said she couldn't feel. That she wasn’t made to hold anyone’s pain.

He grasped her hand, the one that was just about to pull away after wiping his tears, to keep it there. Fingers wrapped around her wrist gently as he closed his eyes and leaned against her open palm.

"...Kuon?"

There was a pause as he said with a certain finality. "Thank you."

Edited 2025-06-29 13:20 (UTC)

"You're welcome," she replied softly, her own smile quirking just a little more broad as he leaned his cheek into her palm. Found her comforting.

Not creepy.

"I think you've needed someone without a heart. Empathy... that would make someone's heart bleed for you. And you... you're always distracted by someone else's pain," she mused, taking in this shaking man... this man who looked like he was just pulled out of the raging sea by his collar.

"When you tell other people about this, that's what happens, isn't it? They hurt for you and Rumi, and then you worry about their pain instead. No one can see through the cloud of their empathy to see you."

And you...you're always distracted by someone else's pain.

Maruki smile grows sharper, not countering her point nor saying she is wrong as he opens his eyes. "It is my desire." Why should someone else's heart bleed for him? The last thing he wants is to have someone mourn for him and Rumi when...things got better.

Once he's sure Kuon is comfortable, he fixes his glasses on his nose- the foggy smudges dotting the lens like it were a dream. As if Kuon being this close to him was only part of some other ideal reality where he wasn't alone anymore.

Still..."I appreciate their sympathy on the matter, though," he smiles like he means it, still looking at her like he could see her heart bleeding still. "I am...not usually worth the trouble. I am the one who got away from it all. I don't mind it."

The hand still resting on her back carefully started to weave through her hair.

"Rumi is happy now. She's doing so much better, and if forgetting me is the cost of it all, I will do it all over again. People don't understand that." I won't be pathetic anymore. "Her future is bright again, and I want to keep trying. There are so many futures that have been shrouded in the dark- if my treatment brings them to light again...then that's what I want to do."

He nodded determinedly.

A cloudy haze overcomes his gaze, looking at Kuon and far beyond at the same time- his left eye glowing gold. "Perhaps in some other universe...I settled down with her. Perhaps in another world...we grew old together."

Edited 2025-06-29 17:30 (UTC)

"But not this one. This research...this cure, this is my tribute to her and-" he chuckles lightly, but it breaks at the end.

"-I lost everything... so there's nothing more for me to lose anymore. No matter what this place says. I will keep trying. For Rumi."

"I have to be the one to do this."

Edited 2025-06-29 17:25 (UTC)

"Exactly. Sacrifices are supposed to hurt, aren't they? So of course you miss her."

He's a human with a normal heart, after all. Building up all of that pain because he can't ignore the pain of others... did he need someone like Kuon this badly?

"But that pain won't stop you - that's admirable. For as long as we're here, as long as you'll have me as a friend, I'll be your support. Just like I was planning to be for EMMA... I'll do what I can to see this miracle through."

Edited 2025-06-29 23:01 (UTC)

"I did, though," he admits- shaking his head at Kuon's insistence. He doubted himself so so much and well, he made mistakes. He can admit that but he can also admit that things can only look up from here. For himself. For Rumi. For the Yoshizawas. For Morning.

And now Kuon too.

It would be so easy...to die by the hands of the those who suffered by some other Maruki’s hands. It has already happened. Twice.

It really couldn't get worse than that. His death didn't matter.

"I did nearly give up. I lost my perspective so it makes me wonder if what I am feeling right now is..."

"Hope..?"

He leans in a little as he tries to adjust himself, his nose bumping against her- even through his clumsiness as he finds himself laughing.

"Heh...oh god-! Haha!" He chuckles at their positioning. "...you must be so uncomfortable right now. Can you even feel your shoulders?" He asks, worriedly- pulling away to give her body the movement she needs.

Edited (pfp change) 2025-06-30 00:22 (UTC)

"Oh, I'm not bothered at all, I hardly sit normally in the first place," she laughed, but figured she would at least adjust to slide closer, sitting hip-to-hip with him before leaning against his shoulder.

"How does your chest feel after getting all that crying out? Seems like you were a shaken soda bottle just waiting to burst!"

"True. I swear I saw you sitting upside down on my couch a few days earlier," he grins teasingly at the fond memory.

Once again, hip-to-hip, he adjusts his glasses before just removing it from his face- wiping away the smudges on his lens with his shirt as he feels her head against his shoulder.

He smiles softly, blush showing on his face again.

"Oh no, don't remind me..." His throat is so parched from all the crying and sobbing it would almost be embarassing if Kuon wasn't here. "What I would kill for some actual soda right now. I am exhausted. "

He says that but there is a sealed can he had bought caught between them.

He placed his glasses back on his nose, satisfied with the much clearer vision.

"But...I'm relieved," he says quietly like he was unsure how much peace would he lose against the relentless nature of this place.

"Good thing you had a doll to curl up with," she hummed in amusement, sitting up for just a moment to reach for that soda he'd brought and pass it to him before tucking herself against him again. It was a bit of a muggy night, but for some reason, the warmth of him didn't bother her at all.

Dolls can be pretty.

People make dolls to be the companions that they lack. The companions that are always there for them.

Happily, Kuon started humming again, her feet swinging just a little bit. She was feeling... good. Certain, for once, a certainty that only comes from really understanding oneself for the first time. Resolute.

She can't be a loving girlfriend. She can't be a fun coworker, or a charming daughter, or anything like that. But she can be someone's doll, their support, there to comfort them and help them succeed.

Just like she was ready to do for EMMA. She'll do it for Takuto Maruki.

A doll...Maruki wasn't sure how to feel about that yet. She didn't find any offense to it- holding that title and cradling it in her hands with the wonder to cherish it. So much of what he had said had been blurred by lines that were caught in his throat that he wasn't even sure if he had spilled something unsavoury in the midst of his cries.

Still.

A miracle...

He held onto that, the same way she did to her own.

"Oh-! Thank you!" He beamed at her as she passed him the soda he had bought.

So much of her presence next to him felt freeing. Like he had finally found his own anchor after sinking for so long. Her humming warmed his heart in ways he had...missed.

He missed Rumi so much.

With her place next to him, Takuto popped open the can without really checking the label.

Which served to be a mistake.

His eyes widened as hd sputters after the first gulp.

"Pfft- ugh, oh no that's not-" he coughs as he turns his face away from Kuon. "Is that- toothpaste?!"

And sure enough, the label on the can read Mint Choco soda.

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1/2 TW: suicidal thoughts

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