"Did I mourn the person I wished to be... hmm," Kuon hummed, masked smile dropping as she thought through what he was asking her. Did she mourn... she didn't mourn for her own parents, why would she mourn for some imagined version of herself?
...But...
Please explain: what is a heart? You are human; therefore, you have a heart. Will you tell me about your heart?
"I don't think mourn is the right word for it," she eventually said, banishing the unbidden memory. Failure - not a pleasant recollection. But it'd given her proof enough. "I was lost. I never understood what separated me from other people... never understood what exactly they meant when they talked about the heart. Why so many people who had never colluded with each other in the slightest all came to the same conclusion."
Kuon leaned back against the bench further, crossing one leg over the other. Her arm was still draped on the back of the bench behind Takuto, almost anchoring her in that moment.
"My relatives had taken me to countless therapists when I was in school. I've had about half a dozen different diagnoses applied to me, only for the next therapist to insist that it doesn't match, it's this next diagnostic for sure - take these pills that will make your stomach churn and your head foggy, or just smile more but not too much so you aren't offputting, remember to show interest in what other people care about, try these pills that are so full of stimulants that they make your heart race and hands shake. Over and over, and still, the same three words came from complete strangers' mouths when they talked about me behind my back: creepy, heartless doll."
After a pause, she gave a little half-shrug.
"What's so wrong with being heartless? What about me is so creepy? Do people truly need their hearts?"
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...But...
Please explain: what is a heart?
You are human; therefore, you have a heart.
Will you tell me about your heart?
"I don't think mourn is the right word for it," she eventually said, banishing the unbidden memory. Failure - not a pleasant recollection. But it'd given her proof enough. "I was lost. I never understood what separated me from other people... never understood what exactly they meant when they talked about the heart. Why so many people who had never colluded with each other in the slightest all came to the same conclusion."
Kuon leaned back against the bench further, crossing one leg over the other. Her arm was still draped on the back of the bench behind Takuto, almost anchoring her in that moment.
"My relatives had taken me to countless therapists when I was in school. I've had about half a dozen different diagnoses applied to me, only for the next therapist to insist that it doesn't match, it's this next diagnostic for sure - take these pills that will make your stomach churn and your head foggy, or just smile more but not too much so you aren't offputting, remember to show interest in what other people care about, try these pills that are so full of stimulants that they make your heart race and hands shake. Over and over, and still, the same three words came from complete strangers' mouths when they talked about me behind my back: creepy, heartless doll."
After a pause, she gave a little half-shrug.
"What's so wrong with being heartless? What about me is so creepy? Do people truly need their hearts?"